Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
