can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
