PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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