Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize