If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
