I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
