Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
