We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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