therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
