Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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