Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
