Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
