tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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