there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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