My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
