It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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