You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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