WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
