He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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