Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
