It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
then he tried to convert me to islam
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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