nut hugger
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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