do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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