We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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