I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
