yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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