Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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