mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
