just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She's JV to your varsity
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
