Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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