woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
