no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
