i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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