Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
