if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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