I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
