It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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