Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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