you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
do herpes really smell.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
