i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
