im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
