spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
