So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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