I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
