Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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