All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize