guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
