$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
