Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
