I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
