last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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