There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
