And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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