my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
