I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
