I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
