you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
