chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
