ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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