Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
