I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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