2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
