between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
