Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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