I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
