why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You took a bar mat shot.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
