i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
