I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
