Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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