Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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