I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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