I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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