before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
