He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
