mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
