i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
