dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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