on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
