i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
