Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
