just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
