Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
