i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
