i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
