Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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