I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
