so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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