He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
