you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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