Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
