Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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