DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
