I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
