the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
