I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
