I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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