I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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